Maybe Now
Maybe Now by Gimena
The cashier's hand flutters over mine
And I jolt away
As if I was hit by lightning
Tink-tink-tink
I get my change
She makes sure not to touch me again
I sit on the train and sit as still
As a cemetary
Don’t touch me
Don’t touch me
We’re near my stop
But before I can breath
We jostle to a halt
Someone almost falls on me
Every fiber of my being
Wants to run
Maybe now
I won’t have to tremble every time
Someone touches me
Because I remember
Thier slimy hands
Serenity in a coffee shop
Your eyes excitedly hop
You try to whisper a compliment
Too close
TOO CLOSE
I retreat
To the bathroom I head
Close your eyes
Breathe in
Breathe out
It’s okay
Maybe now
I won’t run When you
Whisper, whimpers, and wishes
Into my ears because
all I hear is him
Their loud looming linger
Of grunts straight from the
Devils' mouth
A clatter in my thoughts
I want to be in an embrace
But every time I near your pace
His hands
His claws
Are gnawing at my vocal chords
I want to tell you
Maybe now
The claws holding
My throat so tight
Let go
And I can finally
SCREAM
You call again
You say I love you
But why?
I don’t deserve it
You’re a blooming essence of wonder
Yet you fall in love
With a decaying pansy
Who has been stomped and beaten?
My clock
Has more freedom than I
My underwear has a lock
And my nails polish detects drugs
I get up with my head underwater
To head outside I wear socks
But they’re as heavy as dumbbells
I don’t look up in case they gawk
Green means go, Red means no
Cross the boardwalk
I pass by a church
The bells dormant
But I hear the angels weep
Face forward, they never helped
But as I hear the crunch of
October leaves
Of grunts straight from the
Devils' mouth
A clatter in my thoughts
I want to be in an embrace
But every time I near your pace
His hands
His claws
Are gnawing at my vocal chords
I want to tell you
Maybe now
The claws holding
My throat so tight
Let go
And I can finally
SCREAM
You call again
You say I love you
But why?
I don’t deserve it
You’re a blooming essence of wonder
Yet you fall in love
With a decaying pansy
Who has been stomped and beaten?
My clock
Has more freedom than I
My underwear has a lock
And my nails polish detects drugs
I get up with my head underwater
To head outside I wear socks
But they’re as heavy as dumbbells
I don’t look up in case they gawk
Green means go, Red means no
Cross the boardwalk
I pass by a church
The bells dormant
But I hear the angels weep
Face forward, they never helped
But as I hear the crunch of
October leaves
And the echo of popa's laugh
I look back
And I begin to weep
Green means go
I can’t tell my story without a
Trigger warning
I was planted in a garden
Which expected perfect
Christain children
Who obeyed everything an adult said
Everything Anything
It to be instinct like a moth chasing fire
When I was too young I coughed up
Blood
The metallic, sadistic taste
In my baby mouth with barely any teeth
As he tore up my childhood
When I was 3 I was taught how to
Loosen up
For him
When they reached under my skirt
In the holy home of God
I drifted from my body
Like the leaves from trees in
Autumn
It was scary at night
Barely breathing
Slipping in and out
Of consciousness
A period?
All I knew was that I bled for hours
Thorns full of blood stabbing
Me everywhere
He never knew that for his
Pleasure
He killed both his children
And grandchildren
And that I can have neither
The air is stale
Here again
With the judge all pale
Way back when
The man of property was
The victim
If he did the deed
No one was convicted
They need vivid detail
But to even hear a male voice
Makes me want to cry
Why do they want me to remember
Being in such a horrible place
Just so I get the courtesy
Justice that isn’t even assured
I look back
And I begin to weep
Green means go
I can’t tell my story without a
Trigger warning
I was planted in a garden
Which expected perfect
Christain children
Who obeyed everything an adult said
Everything Anything
It to be instinct like a moth chasing fire
When I was too young I coughed up
Blood
The metallic, sadistic taste
In my baby mouth with barely any teeth
As he tore up my childhood
When I was 3 I was taught how to
Loosen up
For him
When they reached under my skirt
In the holy home of God
I drifted from my body
Like the leaves from trees in
Autumn
It was scary at night
Barely breathing
Slipping in and out
Of consciousness
A period?
All I knew was that I bled for hours
Thorns full of blood stabbing
Me everywhere
He never knew that for his
Pleasure
He killed both his children
And grandchildren
And that I can have neither
The air is stale
Here again
With the judge all pale
Way back when
The man of property was
The victim
If he did the deed
No one was convicted
They need vivid detail
But to even hear a male voice
Makes me want to cry
Why do they want me to remember
Being in such a horrible place
Just so I get the courtesy
Justice that isn’t even assured
Winter is frigid
Yet you make me feel warm
I can’t let you in yet
The wounds will infect
I’m so worried
I’ll scare you away
And you won’t say
I love you
Anymore
April is the beginning of
Spring
And April is the beginning
To setting us free
Free like cherry blossom
Petals
Speckled like freckles
You hold my hand
But I don’t rip away
Maybe it will be okay
Maybe now
I can love again
Yet you make me feel warm
I can’t let you in yet
The wounds will infect
I’m so worried
I’ll scare you away
And you won’t say
I love you
Anymore
April is the beginning of
Spring
And April is the beginning
To setting us free
Free like cherry blossom
Petals
Speckled like freckles
You hold my hand
But I don’t rip away
Maybe it will be okay
Maybe now
I can love again
Artist Statement
This poem talks about the political issue that is rape and sexual assault, as well as the story of Elizabeth (though this isn't her real name to keep her identity safe). Elizabeth grew up in a very religious household and jumped around between Catholic, public, and private schools but one thing stayed constant. Her father always sexually abused her. She tried to get legal help when she was between 18-20, but you see the judicial system doesn't favor the victims, and this isn't new news. Back in the day when sexual assault happened on a person's property, the head of the household was the victim, and if they were the person who did the act there couldn't be any legal actions taken against them. And though times have changed quite a lot laws haven't. When Elizabeth went to seek help, they told her they needed vivid detail because she was an adult. As, if she had been a minor, they could have helped her with more ease. Later on, she grew up and left her toxic household, then eventually married, though she can't have children.
My poem though isn't to the exact likeness of Elizabeth's story, I took an approach to show how hard just living is for many victims. I wanted to show how hard it is to feel like you're worthy of love, and having to deal with the fact that you can't have children because of the trauma the organs have endured. But I also wanted to show that there is hope and that victims are worthy of everything. I also used April as a turning point for Elizabeth realizing this because April is sexual assault awareness month, as well as the new beginning in nature.
To learn more about Elizabeth's story click here
To learn more about Sexual Assault Awareness Month click here
Now to the more technical side of my poem. I decided to use quite a few poetic devices to give it rhythm and feeling. These poetic devices put a little bit of magic into a poem giving the flow and realism it has. Some of these devices include:
Your eyes excitedly hop"
"I retreat
To the bathroom I head"
"To head outside I wear socks
But they’re as heavy as dumbbells
I don’t look up in case they gawk
Green means go, Red means no
Cross the boardwalk"
This poem talks about the political issue that is rape and sexual assault, as well as the story of Elizabeth (though this isn't her real name to keep her identity safe). Elizabeth grew up in a very religious household and jumped around between Catholic, public, and private schools but one thing stayed constant. Her father always sexually abused her. She tried to get legal help when she was between 18-20, but you see the judicial system doesn't favor the victims, and this isn't new news. Back in the day when sexual assault happened on a person's property, the head of the household was the victim, and if they were the person who did the act there couldn't be any legal actions taken against them. And though times have changed quite a lot laws haven't. When Elizabeth went to seek help, they told her they needed vivid detail because she was an adult. As, if she had been a minor, they could have helped her with more ease. Later on, she grew up and left her toxic household, then eventually married, though she can't have children.
My poem though isn't to the exact likeness of Elizabeth's story, I took an approach to show how hard just living is for many victims. I wanted to show how hard it is to feel like you're worthy of love, and having to deal with the fact that you can't have children because of the trauma the organs have endured. But I also wanted to show that there is hope and that victims are worthy of everything. I also used April as a turning point for Elizabeth realizing this because April is sexual assault awareness month, as well as the new beginning in nature.
To learn more about Elizabeth's story click here
To learn more about Sexual Assault Awareness Month click here
Now to the more technical side of my poem. I decided to use quite a few poetic devices to give it rhythm and feeling. These poetic devices put a little bit of magic into a poem giving the flow and realism it has. Some of these devices include:
- Rhyming~ both perfect and imperfect were used in the poem and here are some instances:
Your eyes excitedly hop"
"I retreat
To the bathroom I head"
"To head outside I wear socks
But they’re as heavy as dumbbells
I don’t look up in case they gawk
Green means go, Red means no
Cross the boardwalk"
The rhyming I used was very deliberate if I felt like I was losing rhythm or a stanza needed a little more punch I though rhyming would give it just that. Though I hate forcing rhymes into poems, it should come freely and you shouldn't feel constricted to have them in, that's why there isn't an overwhelming amount in the poem.
- Onomatopoeia~
"A clatter in my thoughts"
Though I didn't use much onomatopoeia really does help the reader fully invest themselves into the story and have something to listen to as they read.
- Sensory Language~
"Thorns full of blood stabbing
Me everywhere"
"The air is stale"
Sensory language really helps the read pciture everything in the poem vivdly.
- Alliteration~
"Their loud looming linger"
- Cosoncane~
"Christain children"
- Imagery~
"You’re a blooming essence of wonder
Yet you fall in love
With a decaying pansy
Who has been stomped and beaten?"
"His claws
Are gnawing at my vocal chords"
- Metaphor~
Devils' mouth"
"And I jolt away
As if I was hit by lightning"
"I was planted in a garden
Which expected perfect
Christain children"
- Simile
"I drifted from my body
Like the leaves from trees in
Autumn"
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